One Thousand Gifts

"If you want to change the world, pick up your pen." ~Martin Luther

#1 Fetal movement.

Well, that was easy. It's daunting at first, the thought of writing down one thousand things I love and am thankful for. I pen the first thing that comes to mind. Not surprising since the sporadic kicks and jabs of an infant ready to emerge are more impossible to ignore than the light at the end of the tunnel. But, what a way to being my list. I look at that simple statement of thanks and wonder at it. Despite all the pain and discomfort it causes me, could it really be a blessing? The miracle of new life inside, begging to meet me face to face! Wow. This list could be really amazing.

#46 Morning in the baby's east-facing bedroom.
#51 Welcome home kisses.

When I was first given the idea of the list, I had not read Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts. Now I'm reading it, and I recommend it to you. It's life-changing. She has a way of wrapping her captive audience up in her life so completely that there's no choice but to laugh with her joy and weep with her pain. She communicates truth so clearly and simply that one can't help but resolve to walk away and sin no more. There is so much comfort and challenge in what she has to say.

#56 A stubborn carnation growing, blooming through the frost.

Any speed seems like crawling from one to one thousand, but I feel like I'm growing by leaps and bounds.
I'm so amazed by the life lessons we can receive from such seemingly insignificant, everyday occurrences.
I look at #116: hot fresh bread slathered in butter and honey. The whole life of a loaf. The mixing of all the ingredients; just the right amount of yeast to grow, enhancer to strengthen, honey to sweeten, flour to sustain, oil to soften, salt to enrich, and water helping it all make sense. It is kneaded to just the right strength and elasticity and then put into the oven, the refining fire. The bread of Christian life, well spread with the bitter-sweetness of the Lord giving and taking away.  If we withdraw and keep to ourselves, we become rancid and moldy, a curse. The taste of our lives is undesirable. But to give ourselves up for the benefit of others and allow the work the Lord has done in us to work in others, they are sustained by our selflessness and we are satisfied. And all I did was make bread.

#118 Apple butter season.

Imagine someone gives you a gift, and you receive it without giving any sign of your gratitude toward it, or better yet, not feeling anything at all and unashamedly passing it by. Now see yourself walking down the street and not stopping to hear the birds sing, or breathe the fresh air, or admire the patterns the sun makes on the grass as it dances through the trees. Gifts. How could you?! Be ashamed. I know I am.

#84 Ruby red grapefruit.

One thousand things to love. One thousand ways to pray. One thousand means to joy. One thousand details to finally be noticed and acknowledged and treasured. So start writing. You'll surprise yourself with the ease with which you find things to be thankful for. In fact, I'm now convinced that one thousand won't cover them all, so I'll keep writing. It doesn't follow, however, that each thing must be different. Sometimes my heart is so full with the blessings of a thing that I can't help that it keeps showing itself on the page.

'My husband's love' continues to scrawl itself out in a little prayer of thanksgiving, again and again.

The act of writing down is so satisfying, and has a way of ingraining in your heart the truth of your words. Writing in school helped me understand the material better. Writing my list, helps me understand my God.

So start writing. Just start with one.

#106 Candlelight.

On a Lighter Note..

I can't decide whether or not I miss being pregnant.

Birth Article in the Local Paper

In Which We Welcome Oliver Pendleton

THE NEXT DAY

OUR BEFORE AND AFTER SHOTS

Eucharisteo

Grace. Joy. Thanksgiving.

4 August 2011. 12:35 am. I awake, like every very pregnant mother, to empty my golf ball-sized bladder. Again. It does't help retention that there's a watermelon-sized fetus diving headfirst onto it. Impossible to drink anything and sleep. I need both.

40 weeks, 3 days. I'm enormous, and I don't just feel that way. Originally 5' 2" and 120 lbs. I sigh. I surpassed my husband 30 lbs ago. How does someone as little as me get so huge? I can't just measure normal either. No, my uterus has to be a a grand 43 cm instead. I look like the letter "B" with an over-drawn lower hump. I crawl back into bed thinking, God thought of everything. Women need to experience month #9 so that they'd be willing to go through anything, anything to get that baby out. If it wasn't for this body pillow... I drift.

Suddenly, I leap out of bed, legs dripping. I race back to the bathroom. It's still coming fast. What in the world! I just peed! I look at my belly and think, (as if the pool of amniotic fluid on the floor wasn't proof enough,) Right. I tested positive... I'm going to have a baby... First contraction, long and strong. Very strong. It crushes me. I give, and I wait.

Back to the bedroom. My husband and his comatose sleep. I shake him.

"Jonathan! I think my water just broke."

"Mmmm." No other response. I knew if he was really awake he would care a bit more than that. I'll call Nicole after then next contraction.

Nicole. My midwife of 12 hours. No one anticipated our abrupt move from Medina to Shreve when I first started seeing Pam. It would place us 2 hours from her. I didn't want to talk about the possibility of switching midwives full-term. It was too much stress when I had to deal with moving too. I was forced to consider it since Pam didn't feel comfortable being so far away in case I were to 'go' really fast. Good call. We moved on July 30th. Monday, August 1st, was my due date. The move was done and I felt okay with meeting another midwife. I called Pam to talk about it with her. Again. She expressed her sorrow in handing me over to the care of another, but really felt it was best. I got Nicole's information. I called her twice, no answer. I left a message after the second try, encouraged by the "God bless you" at the end of her voice mail. She called back. She was at another birth. We set up our meeting for Wednesday. I remember her prayer as she held my hand, "Thank you Jesus for Chloe and this baby... show me how to care for her, and help me to perform to the best of my abilities..."

I phone Nicole... She confirms my hopes. I want to see if I can sleep some more. I'll call again when I want her to come. The conversation was short, I can't talk much longer than two minutes at a time. The contractions are coming hard and fast. I text my sister and ask to get mother up. They need to come. I try to wake my husband again with no success. I'm not desperate enough.

1:15 am. Sleep is impossible until this baby is out. I tell Nicole she better come. Her voice was so calm and reassuring. She was getting things together and leaving momentarily. Okay. It's time for Jonathan to wake up. The sharp reality of the information I give cuts through his slumber and before I know it, he's on the phone calling off work. "Do you want me to call my mom?" Ah. A question. I'm in labor and I have no idea how to make a simple decision. "She's the closest one..."

2 am. The way my baby is letting me know it's on it's way is almost too much for me to handle. There was no easing into it. I wander around like a woman crazed with pain. The hot shower on my back is heavenly, but the water runs out and I am in hell again. I need my coach to help me breathe and relax. He does, and I feel better. He is so good for me. My mother-in-law arrives and takes over. My husband is free to just hold me forever. Just hold me. I can relax a little more.

2:30 am. People arrive. Candles are lit. The atmosphere is calm and comforting. I can feel the excitement and the hedge of protection around me. Half my acquaintance and their mothers and friends and uncles are praying for me and my unborn child. My mother is here and reads me verses from my labor cards I had collected in preparation for this. Her voice is barely steady. She's about to become a grandmother.

"For God gave us not a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self control." 2 Timothy 1:7

"May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance with patience and joy."Colossians 1:11

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace... will himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you." 1 Peter 5:10

"Come to me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28, 30

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

"'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

3:50 am. The contractions feel like they're building cities with my body. One right on top of another. Nicole examines me to see my progress. "Chloe, honey, you're complete. It's time to push." Finally. Pushing is a relief. I can work now and the pain goes away. My sisters (by birth and by marriage) boil water for hot compresses. I love this part. If only all of labor could be like this... Grace.

My mothers and midwife laugh encouragingly at my efforts. The can't believe it I guess, they tell me I'm pushing like a pro. "I can hear her moving her baby!!" "I can see the baby's head!" "I see hair, Chloe!" Joy.

Almost there. Thanksgiving.

Psalm 8

How Majestic Is Your Name

To the choirmaster: according to The Gittith. A Psalm of David.

8 O Lord, our Lord,

how majestic is your name in all the earth!

You have set your glory above the heavens.

2 Out of the mouth of babies and infants,

you have established strength because of your foes,

to still the enemy and the avenger.

3 When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,

the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,

4 what is man that you are mindful of him,

and the son of man that you care for him?

5 Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings

and crowned him with glory and honor.

6 You have given him dominion over the works of your hands;

you have put all things under his feet,

7 all sheep and oxen,

and also the beasts of the field,

8 the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea,

whatever passes along the paths of the seas.

9 O Lord, our Lord,

how majestic is your name in all the earth!

14 Weeks

13 Weeks and Counting...

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." Psalm 139:13-16

Who would have thought that brushing one's teeth would ever be unpleasant? Or that Burt's Bees milk and honey lotion would make my stomach turn? Or this, pork sausage: yuck. Pork burrito: MAJOR YUM. Or worse: kissing doesn't appeal to me right now. Why do I have to smell everything and its country of origin? Thank goodness I am leaving my first trimester behind. But darnit... I can't wear the majority of my wardrobe anymore. Even my pants with elastic bands make my body ache.

But ask me, do I care??? Noooooooo.........I've been told it's worth it.

Already I sense the very strong bond between mother and child. This baby has been such a blessing to me, and to us as a couple, opening the door to new ways in which we express our love for each other, and Jonathan has been such a wonderful protector through it all, a most careful caretaker, concerning himself primarily for our well being; his babe and his baby (as he says it). It'd be very hard for anyone to be more possessed with excitement than I am, but if anyone is, it's my husband. He can't help help but smile every time he looks at my ever-enlarging belly, and he doesn't just kiss me goodbye every morning... he must "give junior a kiss too." I think it tickles him that he's going to be a daddy.

God has been so good to us these four months we've been married. To be able to feel his faithfulness in taking care of His children is an immense blessing.

"How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.

Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!"

Psalm 139:17,18 and 23,24

Psalm 17

1Hear a just cause, O Lord; attend to my cry!
Give ear to my prayer from lips free of deceit!
2 From your presence let my vindication come!
Let your eyes behold the right!

3 You have tried my heart, you have visited me by night,
you have tested me, and you will find nothing;
I have purposed that my mouth will not transgress.
4 With regard to the works of man, by the word of your lips
I have avoided the ways of the violent.
5 My steps have held fast to your paths;
my feet have not slipped.

6 I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God;
incline your ear to me; hear my words.
7 Wondrously show your steadfast love,
O Savior of those who seek refuge
from their adversaries at your right hand.

8 Keep me as the apple of your eye;
hide me in the shadow of your wings,
9 from the wicked who do me violence,
my deadly enemies who surround me.

10 They close their hearts to pity;
with their mouths they speak arrogantly.
11 They have now surrounded our steps;
they set their eyes to cast us to the ground.
12 He is like a lion eager to tear,
as a young lion lurking in ambush.

13 Arise, O Lord! Confront him, subdue him!
Deliver my soul from the wicked by your sword,
14 from men by your hand, O Lord,
from men of the world whose portion is in this life.
You fill their womb with treasure;
they are satisfied with children,
and they leave their abundance to their infants.

15 As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness;
when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness.

Sort of my Latest Project

We live in an apartment with white walls that we can't paint, and to begin with, all of our bedding was white. Being a color person, this was bad. SO, before I went crazy living in our little psych ward, something had to be done about the bed. pictured above is my inexpensive alternative to the duvet I wanted from Pottery Barn. The idea was my mother's, and the commission was by my husband (even though he said I could still order from PB). He thought it would be a good project for me to work on, and he was right. I had so much fun putting the pieces together. If you asked me where I got my bedding though my answer would be something like 'Bed Bath & Beyond, Macy's, Kohls, Jo-ann Fabrics, Elder Beerman, left-over wedding supplies, the living room, the closet, etc'. By creating and building my own coverings and pillows on the base of a solid duvet I found on clearance, I was able to save at least half the cost of the Pottery Barn Beauty. A nice mattress set was what we agreed on as a wedding gift to ourselves, and a nice mattress needs to be trimmed beautifully (and what's a pretty bed without a canopy?). So now when I look at our bed, I feel like we're a prince and princess living our happily ever after. I feel as if I've been resourceful.

Someday...

Just because we're all now thinking of Cyprus...

"This is a World of Dreams and Reverie..."

I haven't written anything in a very long time and I am sorry for it. During the holiday season I let it get away from me. I think I've developed new time-wasting habits. In fact, I have had to drag myself to the computer at times, realizing I hadn't been on in days, completely forgetting that people might actually try to contact me that way... O, well. I had other things - huge, fascinating, challenging things - occupying my time. Puzzles. I've done them alone, with friends, with my husband... I love putting them together so much I will do 1000 pieces in an afternoon all by myself. But then 1000 piece puzzles got too easy, So I have gone a step up and am working on a 1500 piece photograph of Prague. Enjoying the challenge immensely :D. (The only problem is that I don't own any myself, so I've been borrowing them from family members :). That part isn't a problem.)

Besides puzzles, I really haven't done much lately, except reading. Les Miserables. I'm so close to be done with it (just a few hundred pages left!) and I really can't wait because Jonathan gave me a hardcover unabridged copy of The Count of Monte Cristo, and I'm dying to start it. (Thank Johnny!! I love you!!) He didn't get me any puzzles though.....................................

I hardly think it's unreasonable to say that I have cabin fever pretty bad, and I really need to go to Cyprus right now!!! And after I typed that I decided to google some pictures, and I think I shouldn't have done that. You don't get much better than a tropical Mediterranean island with ruins on it. But my simple google search turned up property for sale on it and... $330,000?? Nice knowing y'all. Please visit us at your convenience.

I'm planning a cruise first to scope out the territory and choose new furniture.